Inside I'm screaming 'I love you'

Friday, May 06, 2005

Hello to all. (=

I can finally blog 'cos dad just went outta the room. I know he would start staring at the comp & see what I'm typing. & he thinks that I enjoy. Actually I do. Hahaha! Crap.

I screwed my ss paper today, again. Maths was okay. SS was a total stranger to me. How!? I told mum 'bout it & she's like, what can you do? I know you've tried already. Don't worry & stop sighing, you're spoiling my day. So I was like, uh, haha, okay okay. Ohwells. I tried hard enough, I guess. Sigh.

I don't know what I really want in life. I'm just like a homeless ghost walking around the town randomly, not knowing where I'm heading, where I wanna go next. I just roam around, looking if there's anything I could do or at least give a helping hand. I don't wanna live life like this. I've got a meaning here on earth, just that.. I don't know what is it yet. God made me here for a reason. Be it for the love of my life, my parents, the country, the society or whatsoever. Haiya, I don't know la. I just can't seem to get that smile from the bottom of ma heart. I've been paradoxical. Awhile, I want them to be here. Another time, I want them to all go away & ignore me. What do I really want? Pfffft.

You know that I miss you. You know that I've been waiting for your return, your calls & textes. I've been waiting for you like a fool under the apple tree. Even if the apple dropped & falls on my head, I still continue waiting. It isn't worthwhile but I still want to. I'd probably give up the time you tell me to. Everytime you ignore one msg from me, the harder I fall, the deeper I go. I'm glad that you're happy with your life right now. (This appears when I was typing that - Ni bi zhong qian kuai le.) When I look back, I start to regret, why didn't I grab hold what I used to have that time? I shouldn't even just dump you aside & leave you all alone when we both know that we still do. But now, it's all too late. So late. I'm sorry. ): I know how awful you felt at that time. I'm really sorry.

"Girl, it's time to let go & prove this all wrong."
I've heard that, it isn't the first.
But I can't seem to forget you.
~~You got stuckedd in my heart.~~
Leave. Will you please leave?
Everything seem to remind me about you.
.uoyeesannawt'nodI!toslteg
dui bu qi, ~~wo wang bu liao ni.~~

; stick with you